


Moving forward

by Autumnalpalmetto



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Hopeful Ending, Introspection, M/M, Melancholy, summary of the series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autumnalpalmetto/pseuds/Autumnalpalmetto
Summary: All Neil knows how to do is run. Under the cover of night, hiding behind the lies. Life though? Life has other ideas for him.
Relationships: Neil Josten & The Foxes (All For The Game), Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28
Collections: AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021





	Moving forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cinder2ashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinder2ashes/gifts).



> based on the song Run Baby Run by the Riggs
> 
> for Cinder2ashes in the mixtape exchange

The itch under his skin grew with every passing moment. Everything was too loud, too bright, too heavy. Gear weighed his shoulders down, sound echoed through his head, the lights flashed wildly as they entered the arena. The second Neil’s feet hit the polished wood floor of the court, everything went silent, still. In actuality, it was still bright, loud, and heavy, but his brain blocked it all out. All he knew how to do was run.

First serve came, and he sped down the court faster than he ever had, always pushing himself to his limits, and then pushing his limits further. No thoughts made it past this intense hyperfocus. Not even thoughts about exy. When Neil stepped onto the court, his brain went blank and his body reacted. He couldn’t tell you what he would do next, what the right more would be because he simply didn’t know. And yet. And yet his body made the right choice every time. 

He kept the ball moving forward, toward the other team’s goal with an intense precision that he wouldn’t have believed himself capable of if not for it happening so often. His feet moved him forward, and that’s all he needed to know. 

Neil lived for these moments. He knew they’d be gone all too soon, that the end of the year was coming and there was nothing he could do to stop the progression of time. In a few short months, he’d leave the Foxhole Court for the last time and enter the hands of the wholly incapable FBI, if he lived that long in the first place. 

He had a deal to keep with Andrew. The court would be his, until it wasn’t. Running. Well, running away wasn’t an option anymore, but running during a game still was. At least for a little while. For now.

For now, he enjoyed the peace that the game brought him. There was no place for fear, no place for hope, no place for any emotion really, on an exy court. 

Once he stepped off the court, it would all come rushing back to him, but for now, for now, his mind was blank.

The kisses came. That was a surprise. But then again, it wasn’t really. An orbit that ended in a collision. Anyone would have seen it coming if they had, simply, been looking. But Neil hadn’t been looking at all, not for that anyway. For all his staring, he had missed the most obvious signs. 

He didn’t know how and probably never would, but the kisses took his breath away, and his thoughts, just like running did. Even more so. Because when he ran, the whole world was under his feet, but when he kissed Andrew, the whole world started and stopped at his lips. 

But Neil couldn’t protect Andrew, and Andrew couldn’t protect Neil. Not from these monsters, at least. The ones who lurked in the daylight with pretty words and fancy cars. The ones who could kidnap a teen in the middle of a parking lot and not be noticed. The ones who ruled the world with their monstrous ways, not from the shadows but from the thrones. 

Neil said goodbye in the only way he knew how, and he hoped that would be enough. That Andrew would understand. That Andrew would forgive him.

Living on dreams only gets you so far. Hope dies eventually.

The lies run out.

The truth catches up.

We all have an ending. Some meet theirs sooner than others. 

There would be no running away under the dark of the night. No moonlit escapes this time.

His time was up and there was nothing left to do. No amount of begging would keep him alive.

Once he entered that house, the one where the love, and hope, and dreams go to die, he would never make it out alive.

In the end, it didn’t happen. 

The bad guys came like he knew he would, but somehow Neil Josten got to keep the court, got to keep his family, got to keep his life. 

And Neil Josten got to keep his love, his hope, his dreams, his future. 

The story ended, but for the wrong man. Or the right one, who’s to say?

His dreams fed him longer than they should ever have. And then new dreams came, keeping him fed for longer than he ever could have imagined. 

A new story started. One full of life in a way the last one never had been. The new story was free of lies. The new story was free of pain too. 

Life was more than running now. It had meaning and hope, things Neil had never imagined he would get to enjoy. The running was still there, as was the court, but there was more to life than that.

He never thought he’d get this far, not on luck alone at least. The universe had never been on his side. His time had been counting down for longer than he could remember. 

This happy life had to be a dream, there was no way the butcher’s son could get the happy ending. Day by day the feeling grew, the static blurred the edges. But it wasn’t a picture perfect life, not the life a dream would hold. 

Eventually, he realized, a damaged boy like him could never make up such a beautiful tale, never in a million years. 

Every laugh, smile, and hug from his team, his family, pushed the static away. The Haze lifted slowly, ever so slowly, as Neil realized he could keep this life. Reality had overtaken dreams and hope, filling his world with a brighter truth than the lies had ever offered. 

His dream had been to say goodbye in his own time. His future was to never say goodbye again. Not for any meaningful amount of time, anyway. 

Hope seeped back into his bones, lighting up his life. The brightness, the noise, the weight that had been so unbearably overwhelming just a few months, days, hours before turned into something new. Or no, it didn’t. The world stayed the same. It was Neil himself that turned into something new. A real boy at last. 

A real boy with a real life and a real family. 

A real boy who could give up running away and start running toward the future. 

It would be empty though, without the kisses, without Andrew. 

Any worries Neil had about that last little thing were thrown out when Andrew opened up his mouth to him again. And his heart along with it. Andrew didn’t have a dream, or so he claimed, but now Neil could dream, hope enough for the both of them. A life to be shared, as long as Andrew wanted.

Every step brought him closer to the endgame, the final standoff with the devil. But it wasn’t truly the end, and it never would be again. Because life moved forward now. The end of one season meant the start of the next. If the outcome wasn’t what they wanted, they could try again, and again, and again until they got where they needed to be. 

And he wasn’t alone now, he never would be again. With his team, his family standing beside him, Neil had no choice but to move forward. Even on days where the world was too loud, too bright, too heavy, Neil moved forward, pulled along by the string connecting him to so very many people. 

He had Andrew, yes. Always, Andrew. But he gained so much more than just one boy. He gained so much more than just his life too. 

Because a life alone wasn’t really a life at all, he had learned. Survival and living were different things, in the grand scheme of things they had looked so very similar, but now Neil couldn’t believe he had ever thought them to be the same. 

He had run, and run, and run until he had given up. Run until he could run no more. Run until he hit an ending he could never come back from. Neil had given up then, resigned himself to a year of living his dream, and then nevermore. 

But the universe had other plans, for a lost and broken boy. Plans that Neil never could have imagined for himself. Running was all he knew how to do, any dream he could think of would always, always be on the run. Under the moonlight, behind the lies. 

And wasn’t it wonderful? How limited his imagination was? As the dream had died so early, the future blossomed from its remains. It led him down a new path, a hopeful path, allowing for beautiful things to grow. Love grew, and family too. The future was never ending, it expanded with every choice he made. 

He chose to stay, he chose to play, he chose to love. And in return, he was chosen too. By the world, yes. But even better, he was chosen by a family of healing people, by a boy who would never let him go, and most of all, he was chosen by himself. 


End file.
